


Snow Day

by FuchsiaMae



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Happy Holidays from Aperture Labs, Snowed In
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2019-08-23 05:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16612805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuchsiaMae/pseuds/FuchsiaMae
Summary: FACILITY-WIDE ANNOUNCEMENT: Aperture has a snow day.(Originally posted to Tumblr 2/21/15)





	Snow Day

Cave here. Listen up. 

As you may or may not have heard, we’re having some so-called “extreme weather” up there on the surface. One day the rest of the world’s gonna catch up with us at Aperture and we won’t have to deal with this anymore, but until then, the parking lot’s buried in six feet of snow and we can’t open the outer doors. So congratulations, you’re stuck here.

The good news is we can keep doing science! The bad news is we can’t take advantage of this to do  _extra_ science. My idea was that, since you’re all at work anyway, we might as well keep you working ‘round the clock – but I’m told that if we paid everyone overtime for a few days straight, we would literally run out of money. So, here’s the plan: you stay on the job for your regular hours, you clock out as usual, and then I have to let you freeload in my facility until you’re on the clock again. 

I dunno how long we’re all gonna be stuck here, but I built this place to survive a damn nuclear winter, so a little Michigan blizzard won’t be any trouble at all. There’s plenty of food in the cafeteria, but I’ve already sent a memo down to Agriculture just in case we need more. Hope you like chicken, 'cause we got a lot of it. Those birds are bigger than my car! Ha ha! But seriously, if someone lets 'em outta the lab again and I find out about it, you  _are_ fired. Even if you turn 'em loose in HR. Although I might bump up your severance pay a little if they crap on Gary’s desk. 

[Sir, the blizzard?]

Huh? Oh, right. There are showers by the on-call rooms. Please remember to use them. If the line gets too long, you can always use the emergency chemical showers by any of the labs. A critical weather situation is no excuse for bad hygiene. You can sleep anywhere you like, as long as it’s not in the way – no camping out in the middle of the hallways, or in the elevators or anything. And I don’t want to see  _anyone_ fighting over blankets. This is not grade school, we all know how to share. Just be aware that if you even  _think_ about touching my private blanket stash, again, you’re fired. My assistant has very thoughtfully provided those for my personal use, so unless your name is Cave Johnson, they’re off limits. Thank you for those by the way, Caroline.

[You’re welcome, sir.]

Anything I’m forgetting?

[Just that we’re still doing science.]

Right, right. This is not vacation time, people! This is not a snow day, it’s a work day with some snow on top of it. You’ll work your regular hours, and you’ll spend that time  _working_ , not making cocoa or building snowmen. Science does not slack off. Got that? 

Alright, everybody back to work. We’re done here.


End file.
